I was talking to a lady this weekend who said she had sent a text message to her husband, telling him she had just setup her appointment to get breast implants. This was the very first time he had heard she was even considering a breast augmentation, and she couldn't understand why he was so upset…
All I could think was, "Are you kidding me?!"
When it comes to important life decisions, every healthy couple should greatly desire to have the love and support of one another before moving forward.
So today, I want to talk about the best ways that I've found to tell your husband/significant other (SO) you'd like to get breast implants—not because they're a dictator who should make every decision.. but because this is your SO, not your roommate from college. Your decisions affect them, so they should have the right to contribute to the conversation.
Setting Up the Conversation
If we're being honest, a lot of SO's need our help understanding when their undivided attention is needed. And the best way I've found to get that is to have "the conversation before the conversation." It sounds something like this:
Hi sweetheart! Everything is just fine, but I'd really like to have a heart to heart conversation this evening after dinner. There's something I'm really excited about, and I want to see what you think about it. Again, nothing's wrong, so please let me know if tonight will be good for you. Love you!!"
Obviously I'm not a fan of the text message approach taken by the lady I was talking to this weekend, but something like this is perfect for a text message or email. If your SO is anything like mine, they'll pry a little, but that's why it's so important you make sure they understands nothing is wrong. Stand your ground and tell them you'd like to wait and have the conversation face to face.
Casting the Vision
Anytime you're pitching an idea to someone, remember to walk them through the three P's:
- The Problem
- The Pitch
- The Possibilities
When you sit down with your SO to tell them you'd like to get breast implants, it's important you start by helping them see the problem from your perspective. Explain that they might not be able to understand or relate to how you feel, and that you need them to be ok with that—just like they doesn't understand why your grandmother's china is so important to you or why they have to both raise and lower the toilet lid :-)
In other words, before you tell them you want breast implants, tell them how you feel.
Important: Be sure your SO understands that your lack of confidence or insecurities have nothing to do with them. (P.S. If they do, then getting breast implants will not fix that and you two should dive into those insecurities with a good pastor or counselor.)
Letting the Cat Out of the Bag (The Pitch)
There's an old saying that I've found to be true: "People have to weigh in, to buy in." Make sure you give your SO a chance to weigh in with their opinion, and don't dictate what you are or aren't going to do.
Once you've processed your emotions with them, it's time to let them know that you've been thinking about getting a breast augmentation. You need to be very strategic with your language right here, and I strongly recommend you do not say something like:
"So I've decided I'm going to get breast implants."
There's no better way to upset someone who loves you than to tell them you're doing something whether they like it or not. Again, this decision greatly affects them, so they need to be a part of the conversation.
Let them know you've been thinking about it for a long time and that this isn't a spur-of-the-moment idea. This is a great time to reiterate your emotions, to tell them exactly why you want a breast augmentation, and to make sure they know it isn't because of anything that they have said or done to make you feel "not good enough."
Dreaming Out Loud (The Possibilities)
My husband always says, "If you want me to get excited about going to the beach, then be sure to paint me a picture." Almost all men are visual, so be sure you don't miss the opportunity to help your SO see the future.
Tell them how excited you are about the possibilities of things like:
- Being about to fill out a bikini top and wearing sexier clothes
- Them having more of you to hold and touch
- Being more confident in the bedroom
The more descriptive you can be about how you envision the future, the better.
Finally, be sure not to demand an answer right away. Let your SO know it's ok if they need to take some time to process their thoughts, and ask them when they'd like to talk about it again.
Common Objections to Getting Breast Implants
Surprisingly, it isn't uncommon for SO's to be apprehensive about the woman they love getting a boob job. My husband wasn't immediately on board, and yet he would say it's one of the best things we've ever done for our relationship. Let's look at a few of the common concerns that SO's have about boob jobs.
"But I'm fine with them..." or "I just don't understand..."
Some SO's won't feel comfortable with the idea of breast implants simply because they don't understand our feelings or because they like our breasts the way they are. Remember, it's ok if they don't understand and we need to help remind them it's not about where they have fallen short. That might sound something like this:
"I know you love my body, and I'm so grateful for that. But it's me who's not ok with it, and this is something I really want to do for myself. It's really important to me that I have your support."
"But what about all the health risks?"
It's perfectly normal for anyone who loves you to have concerns about the health implications of breast implants, and rightfully so! It's a surgical procedure, and there are potential complications from it. If it were me, I would address this objection with something like:
"I'm really glad you brought that up, because I have a lot of questions like that too. I would love for us to do some research together and even setup a time to ask all of our questions to a board certified plastic surgeon."
"Aren't breast implants really expensive?"
Your SO might be worried about the total cost of getting breast implants. With the average breast augmentation costing in the neighborhood of $4,500 – $6,500, I can definitely understand why they would raise a flag over it! My recommendation to you is to acknowledge the expense and remind them of the benefits:
"It's definitely not the cheapest purchase we'll ever make, but I honestly believe it will be one of the best investments I could make in myself. I'm really looking forward to how it would pay off in our relationship as well."
"But what if I don't like the way they feel?"
Our SO's worrying about how our new breasts will feel is a totally legit concern. In a world of saline, silicone, overs, and unders, we have quite a few options about how the end results are going to feel. If it were me, I would push this conversation to the consultation and allow a plastic surgeon to speak into their concerns:
"It's really important to me that you like them, and I've heard that we will have a chance to feel the different options during a consultation. Would you please go with me?"
"I thought only strippers and pornstars got breast implants..."
Some SO's might have a preconceived notion about the types of women who typically get breast implants. That's understandable, but what they probably don't realize is how common the procedure is. Be sure to remind them of how many woman a year get a breast augmentation:
"I thought that, too! Then I found out that about 300,000 women a year in the U.S. get a breast augmentation. There definitely aren't that many strippers and pornstars."
"But what will others think?" or "Will people be able to tell?"
These may seems like immature or insecure questions, but everyone naturally wants to protect their own dignity and the dignity of those they love. Your response to this question will be largely based on your personality style, but here's how I answered this one:
"I don't want us to be ashamed about this, and people might be able to tell. But it's important for you to know that there are a lot of things I would be able to do to 'play them up' or 'play them down.'"
To wrap up, just remember that this is a big decision you've been thinking about for a long time. Your SO might be on board as soon as you say "bigger boobs," but more than likely they will need some time to process their own feelings about it.
Be ready for that.
You're asking them to take a leap in their minds that's taken you years to make. So be patient, loving, and strategic in the way you approach this, and I think you'll be much happier with the end result :-)